Thoughts on Chinese Tiger Mother

Last Saturday I read the article on WSJ “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” and immediately shared it on my Facebook page. I then had a discussion with a friend of mine who is a psychologist teaching parenting skills. She stated: “A middle approach is helpful: no name-calling and being supportive but not timid - and expecting the best!”

Below is my email sharing my thoughts with her.

Thanks for your comments. I agree that somewhere in the middle --not the extremes (between the Chinese Way and the Western Way) should be the way to go. It also has to be adjusted to different children.

My older one is very intelligent, but laid back, easy going. When he was little, I didn't demand too much from him academically and hoped he would develop at his own pace. I just didn't know if I should push him too much academically at a young age. I was more interested in seeing where his interests were and what he was naturally good at. Now he is a freshman in high school and I certainly see he is still working on strict self-discipline to get high grades although he got into the honor program at St. John's Prep with his high SSAT scores and enjoys his classes. I can't use Amy Chua's method on him now since he is a teenager, but I often tell him that he needs to work hard and be self-motivated. I think he understands it but doesn't have the discipline and the habit to do it consistently yet. It will be a process and I hope he can get it before he goes to college.

My younger son is different. He handles his homework mostly by himself without much reminding. He is more of a perfectionist and very competitive, but can be insecure and anxious sometimes. I spent a lot of time working on his social and emotional development instead of academic development which most Chinese parents don't necessarily think is a big deal, believing that a child will grow and mature on his own.

From the article, I see Amy Chua describes the Chinese culture of raising children very true and clear although a little extreme in her own way. I am not for her extreme methods. But I was raised to live up to my parents' high academic and professional expectations well into my adulthood. From 4th grade, my parents expected me to get 100 points in all subjects. My grandma lived with us and together with my parents, they wouldn't let me do any house chores. As my grandma said, I was raised "to open my mouth when food is served and stretch out my arms when clothes are put on". I scored high in the national college entrance exam and got into the top university of China, which at the time had an over 80% male student body, with a major in computer technology and engineering chosen by my mother. When I had my children in the US, my parents came to help me out. My Mom said that she would help me with child care so that I could advance my career. It was a totally different way of spoiling and demanding of offspring.

To raise my own children, I constantly feel the differences between the Chinese Way and the Western Way. I share a lot of the Chinese cultural values and beliefs that Amy Chua described, but I’m not always certain of the best way to carry them out in raising my boys in America. My mother-in-law often reminds me that I am living in America and that is not what Americans do. My husband tells me that there is no one way to do things here in America. Right, but we have to establish a Wang-Bedell Way as I told him. My husband has lots of intellectual interests. He is a very tolerant person and enjoys playing with our children. I prefer more structured routines, staying focused and setting high expectations for my children, while my husband doesn't always take strict stands. Children sense the difference and get by as much as they can. Or they maybe just get confused and try to figure out what to do. As a result, we don't get to extremes, but I am not sure if we can raise our children to reach their highest potential as I hope.

Parenting is very challenging, yet is very rewarding. I am committed to this journey of trial and error to establish our Wang-Bedell Way to raise our two sons.

All Saints Day--Ten Thousand Saints Holiday 万圣节 (wàn shèng jié)

Last Saturday a student walked into our class wearing a zombie costume. It was Halloween weekend in Salem again. I tried to come up with a Chinese term for zombie. “What is a zombie?” I asked. Don’t laugh at me. I grew up in Beijing and didn’t have all of that Halloween stuff in my childhood. My son told me: “It’s the living dead.” I thought about the term “dead body” 死尸 (sǐ shī), but it is not quite the “living dead”. Then I thought of the term of “raising the dead to life” -- 起死回生 (qǐ sǐ huí shēng). The children took that term. I had them write down the characters for “life” -- 生 and “death” -- 死, thinking they are very important words. Enough of Halloween, then we moved on to All Saints Day. In Chinese it’s “Ten Thousand Saints Holiday” -- 万圣节 (wàn shèng jié).

We have counted the numbers from 0, 1 to 100. That day, we learned all those big numbers, 999; 1000; 9,999; 10,000; 99,999; 100,000; 999,999; 1,000,000; 9,999,999; 10,000,000; 99,999,999; 100,000,000; 1,300,000,000 (the population of China). Then a student asked how to say fractions in Chinese. We learned how to say pi: 3.1415926…

It was fun to learn all those big numbers. However the word 10,000 万 (wàn) is a special word. I said that word almost every day in my elementary school in Beijing by chanting: Long Live Chairman Mao -- Ten Thousand Years of Chairman Mao -- 毛主席万岁 (máo zhǔ xí wàn suì) !　Long Long Live Chairman Mao -- Ten Thousand of Ten Thousand Years of Chairman Mao -- 毛主席万万岁 (máo zhǔ xí wàn wàn suì) !

But today we learned the word 万 (wàn) is used for saints, both living and deceased, on All Saints Day.

Technology Innovation -- U.S. and China Together to Create the Future

On Saturday September 18, a beautiful autumn day, I arrived early in Kendall Square, Cambridge. I was attending the U.S.-China Technology Innovation Forum, jointly organized by the Massachusetts Office of International Trade & Investment (MOITI), the China Chamber of Commerce for Import & Export of Machinery & Electronic Products (CCCME), and the United States Information Technology Office (USITO).

As I walked into the salon in the Marriot Hotel, I saw a big banner up in front of the room with both Chinese and English. On the left, there were three flags – of the U.S., China, and Massachusetts. On the right, there was a big projection screen, again with Chinese and English. After I found a table, a man with a box of audio head phones came over and asked me if I needed one for the translation. I thanked him and told him that it was not necessary since I was fluent in both Chinese and English.

Listening to Dr. Ted Carr, Executive Director of MOITI, and Mr. Wang Chao, Vice Minister of Commerce of P.R. China, I started to understand their message: both the U.S. and China hope to create a future through technology innovation. Both countries would like to work together on this mission. As I listened to the following speakers, my mind went back to my days in China.

When I was in high school, we had a mantra: “Study and master math, physics, and chemistry, then you can go anywhere under the sun.” I was a true believer in that. Diving into math and science, I applied to study computer science and engineering at Tsinghua University (the MIT of China). After graduation, I worked on campus developing software for an American company. I also participated in an international technology conference where IBM, Xerox, and Apple along with other international companies came to Beijing to show their high tech to the Chinese. Later, I came to the U.S. for graduate study in computer science. After earning a Master’s degree in CSE, I started my career in the U.S. as a software engineer. It was technology that led me from China to the U.S. and from past to present.

Now, seeing and listening to Americans and Chinese talk about creating a future together through technology innovation, I was moved, excited, and inspired. I would like to keep contributing, connecting Americans and Chinese to create a better and brighter future for all of us.

Antique Car or Grandfather Car? 古董车 (gǔ dǒng chē) 还是 老爷车 (lǎo yé chē)?

As China has become the second largest economic power in the world after the US, we have heard that automobile sales are going well in China. Millions of people enjoy driving and the ownership of private cars. This is such a contrast from the days when I was in Beijing. Since I never liked the public bus that much, I always preferred to ride my bicycle. I rode to high school every day for my senior year. Then I rode between my home in the southeast corner of the city and Tsinghua University in the northwest corner of the city for seven years. Sometimes, I rode through the center of the city along Eternal Peach Avenue; other times, I rode along the third ring road. I rode in all weather--sun, rain, or snow. Each way could easily take 2 to 3 hours. I guess no one would do that anymore unless he/she were training for the Tour de France.

Well even then, I knew cars. Although there were no privately owned cars as I knew, there were some cars owned by the government. We call cars 小汽车 (xiǎo chì chē). However, I didn’t know anything about antique cars or classic cars until I came to the US.

Today when I was helping a friend to practice her Mandarin Chinese, she told me that the Chinese now start to learn about and appreciate antique cars and classic cars. The world’s top antique car auction companies are looking into the Asian market as well. As we practiced in Mandarin, my friend asked me how to say antique cars or classic cars in Chinese. I told her 古董车 (gǔ dǒng chē) or 经碘车 (jīng diǎn chē). I actually have never heard anyone talk about them in Mandarin, but I know 古董 (gǔ dǒng) is for antique as in antique painting, furniture, or other object, and 车(chē ) is for car. 经碘 (jīng diǎn) is for classic as in classic literature. After I got home I checked the Google translator for antique car and classic car. It verified my translation of antique car 古董车 (gǔ dǒng chē), but it translated classic car to 老爷车 (lǎo yé chē). 老爷(lǎo yé) means grandfather. So I thought: oh…Google thinks classic car is grandfather car like a grandfather clock. Hmm…I am not sure if that is a good way to see it.

At the end of our lesson, my friend introduced me to her husband Don Rose. He turns out to be the classic car specialist for RM Auctions, which will offer James Bond’s Aston Martin--“the world’s most famous car”--at its annual auction next month in London. Next Monday morning The Today Show on NBC will have “Don Rose with the Bond Car!” Would you call this Bond Car 老爷车--a grandfather car?

Enrollment for Chinese Study Fall 2010

August 16, 2010

Dear Parents,

I hope you have all been enjoying this warm and nice summer. Now as school time approaches, I would like you to start thinking about registering your children with Panda Land for another year of exciting Mandarin Chinese study.

From 2009, many children have joined us in learning Chinese language and culture. They have been eager to learn and have worked hard. Over the past year they have made significant progress. The older kids have learned so much that they can sound out Chinese words using Pinyin by themselves and have mastered the tones, constructed sentences using words they have learned, enjoyed writing Chinese characters, and become familiar with Chinese culture. More than anything, they think learning Chinese is fun after mastering some basic skills and are eager to continue in the fall. We also have had a lot of lovely younger children who enjoyed learning and came week after week for their Chinese lessons. Some of them got very ambitious: one 4-year-old girl wants to write a big Chinese book; a 7-year-old boy wants to go to China and climb the Great Wall.

This summer, I participated in the Peabody Essex Museum’s Art Adventure Club summer program and taught three sessions on Chinese Art and Calligraphy. Children were eager to try out the brush and ink, and had a wonderful learning experience.

You may have heard or read today that China Passes Japan as Second-Largest Economy,

www.nytimes.com/2010/08/16/business/global/16yuan.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=homepage.

Watching where the world is going, we all want to think about our children’s future. If you want your children to learn Chinese, I am here at your service near your home.

In fall 2010, I will teach Chinese at the Shore Country Day School for its enrichment program. In addition, we will continue to have several small group classes and private tutoring lessons for children age 3+ starting the week of September 13. Each class will have a one-hour lesson per week. Tutoring lessons will be arranged with each individual. Due to increased interest, we would like to plan for the class based on enrollment. Please send me an email to provide the following information ASAP:

Your child’s name and age,
Previous Chinese learning experience, if any but not required,
Schedule -- please specify what are the workable dates and times and what is the preferred:

a. Monday -- one hour between 3 to 4:30 pm
b. Tuesday -- one hour between 3 to 4:30 pm
c. Thursday -- one hour between 3 to 4:30 pm
d. Friday -- 3-4 pm
e. Saturday -- Noon - 1 PM or 2:30 - 3:30 pm
f. Other time -- please specify if you prefer any time from 9 am to 3 pm from Monday to Friday.
Location -- The Salem Athenaeum has been very supportive to us and has provided a separate reading room for our classes. We can arrange classes there for Tuesday and Friday from 1pm to 4:30 pm, Saturday from noon to 2:30 pm. We also use public library space and private homes for very small groups. If you could help us with group class spaces, in Salem or nearby towns, we will be very grateful.
Helpful, constructive comments and suggestions if any.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at judy.bedell@gmail.com or
978-998-9317. Please feel free to pass this letter on.

Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Judy Wang Bedell
Panda Land
978-998-9317
judy.bedell@gmail.com
www.pandalandchinese.com

Fund vs Chicken Essence 基金 jī jīn 与 鸡精 jī jīng

After 10 years’ work at FMRCo Fidelity Investments, “mutual fund” is quite a familiar concept to me, as are many other financial investment terms--stocks, bonds, derivatives, long and short, etc. However last month I found that I was completely baffled by many of the Chinese words for these when I attended a seminar on China’s Mutual Funds: Development and Opportunities; Hedge Funds, What They Do, and Opportunities in China.

The event was held in Boston’s Chinatown. We had a wonderful banquet with friends old and new before listening to a speech by Ms. Qi Zhang who is the Deputy Division Director of China Securities Regulatory Commission (a counterpart to the US’s SEC.) It was the first time that I’d listened to such a discussion in Mandarin by Chinese about the financial market and industry in China. I was completely fascinated by Ms. Zhang’s talk on the characteristics of the fund business in China--fast growth, strict supervision, professional investment, and moving towards the global market. She then explained the legal framework, product innovation, and future development opportunities. In discussing the development and growth of the Chinese mutual fund industry, she constantly made comparisons to Fidelity Investments.

The concept of the fund, including the mutual fund and the hedge fund, is relatively new in China, where the industry began only 13 years ago. Ms. Zhang joked that many Chinese, especially farmers, don’t really understand what a fund is but like it dearly because in Mandarin the word for Fund, jī jīn, sounds very similar to the words for Chicken Essence, jī jīng. I perfectly appreciate the point: Chicken Essence is good for one’s health, and the Fund is good for one’s financial health. Isn’t that a nice Chinese extension to Mr. Robert Pozen’s The Mutual Fund Business?

Raising our children to be more social and creative through multi-cultural experience and education

Summer is here and the air is hot. Kids are out of school and play in the woods, or on the beach, or attend summer camps. Some are traveling to different states and different countries. They are having fun. Many parents want our children to have opportunities to meet different people and do different things, to learn and experience what they don’t normally get during the school year. It is the best time for a kid to develop an open mind and be more social and more creative.

One way to encourage our kids to open their minds is through multi-cultural experiences and education. With my personal experience, I agree with what Wendy Lee Walsh wrote at Today Moms, http://community.todaymoms.com/_news/2010/07/07/4633077-want-a-kid-whos-more-creative-get-packing:

“Creativity is linked to an open mind. Multi-cultural experiences open one's mind. International living forces the brain to think outside of the box in multiple arenas -- from social customs, to art, food, architecture and laws. So when a child learns to open their mind as an adaptive behavior when traveling, the thinking is that this same brain function can be applied to imagination in art, academics, and eventually even business.”

International travel and living are wonderful. However, it is not an option for many of us right now. To help our children broaden their minds, Panda Land provides multi-cultural experiences and education to children in our communities. For over a year now, children have been taking our Chinese language and culture lessons as part of their after school enrichment. This summer, we will work together with the Peabody Essex Museum to have children learn Chinese language and culture through exhibits of art, social customs, and architecture. We’ll also teach children the art of Chinese calligraphy with brushes and ink.

It is our passion and desire to bring the multi-cultural experience and education to the people on the north shore of Boston right here in Salem Massachusetts and help our children to grow with open minds, be more creative, and be ready to embrace globalization.

If you are interested, please feel free to contact us anytime.